The USS Quad Damage

How did that get in there?

You know they have an excuse for that sort of thing... it's called Alcohol!

You need both a gun and someone to shoot it in order to have a working murder system going

I usually like Triple J’s hack, and expect it to be of a higher calibre than ordinary news programs. They did a report on the recent rumblings in League on an episode of JTV I happened to watch. I was disappointed in how quickly they went from the subject of rape to alcohol abuse, without any real evidence as to the link between them.

It irritates me that “The alcohol made me do it” is a fair and reasonable excuse in today’s society. As far as I can tell, Alcohol has no ability to actually make you do anything. I don’t remember ever having had a few to think “Hey, now that I'm drunk, I think I want to rape someone, or murder them, or defecate on some fine art”. Maybe it’s just me. Or maybe I haven’t been drunk enough... or for enough time. How people can make the quantum leap it takes to go from fairly repugnant behaviour to blaming drunkedness as the cause is beyond me. The fact that it’s not just crack jocks like John Laws doing this shit and it’s actually reputable (often critical and thoughtful) sources is astonishing to me.

Even if alcohol was the magical pixie dust which made you do bad things, drinking also doesn’t absolve you of your responsibilities, because you ought to know it’s magic pixie dust that makes you do bad things. It’s like they say “people don't kill people, guns kill people” (OK no one says that, but the fact is, you need both a gun and someone to shoot it in order to have a working murder system going). In short, if you knew drinking would make you do irresponsible things, maybe you should just stay the fuck away from alcohol.

Note that I’m not letting the girls in these cases off here. They’re as guilty as the men, but the men are perceived role models in society, and the women are really just poisoning the stereotype. I have a very simple logic equation here:

dick_in_mouth && ^gun_to_head -> ^rape

Did you catch that? If you’re a girl who is currently having sex with a bunch of footy players (and also reading this article, in which case, go multitasking!), I’m talking to you! Have some self-respect, and respect for all women, and walk the fuck out of that room, because it’s only rape if someone forces you.

I think I’ve made my case. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go to the Guggenheim and shit on the Mona Lisa.