The USS Quad Damage


gobble gobble, brrrrr!

Much in the same manner that I decided to quit my job some years back, I have said my farewells and left WoW (yet again). The thought had been roaming my mind for a few days, the reasons for my coming back to the game slowly fading and my gaming experience becoming more convoluted with the passage of time.

Strangely enough, I have chosen quite possibly the worst time to leave this addiction, and find myself in quite a dilemna... roaming away the hours with the deafing silence of my restless mind. Unsurprisingly, everyone expects me to return within a few weeks, and why not? My history is indicative of an addictive nature, and the drug of choice seems to be gaming – leaning heavily upon the mmog market and the rpg genre.

I recall leaving Everquest so long ago, having convinced myself that my time was up, and shockingly I never returned. I can’t quite recalled how I passed away those few weeks / months before I found my next hit, WoW. I do however remember a self imposed experiment of not repairing my system when it broke down last year and spending a month without any gaming or form of escape whatsoever.

The results were very unpleasing and revealing of my inclination towards self demonising and destructive mentality (not manifesting in any physical format, purely physiological... i.e. I wasn’t suicidal). Now I haven’t ever been actually tested for depression, and believe I am using it a convenient disease to label myself with as it allows me to justify my weaknesses and gather unfounded compassion from others.

I have developed and actively garner a pessimistic outlook on life as it fits in with my particular experiences and learning curves to date. This also ties in with my longstanding defensive nature, in preparing a foundation from which to weather the storm rather then venture out and attack any given problem. The truth, as everyone knows... is that the storm never passes... only the perception of it changes between individuals. My perception is suitably tainted to cater to my inadequacies.

I can’t accurately imagine how I may react to this latest experiment and how it may affect those who are entwined in my life. It feels very alike to staring down the chasm of past failings, but I can’t deny the familiar comfort of something known and lived completely. This shall be very interesting – a shame then that I will be the only one able to enjoy the results.