The USS Quad Damage

What's wrong with Top Gear

I saw an episode of Top Gear this monday, on high recommendation from several of my friends, and I can say that for the most part, the show is great. As I watched the show, however, I got quite miffed at a couple of things that were wrong with it:

1. They're Poms

This is possibly the most annoying part of the show. These guys are up themselves holier than thou preaching to the choir car nuts. They like or dislike cars largely on whether they're "cool" or "not cool" and "how likely a car is to get you laid." Very little technical stuff is discussed on the show, only the performance and sex appeal of cars. They get rock stars on the show to discuss how they've bought ridiculously expensive cars only to trash them. Really, from this perspective the show is about wealth and power as opposed to cars. Typically british, and it pisses me off right through the show.

2. They're Poms

They're fanboys for European built cars. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with european built cars, but fuck off. Having said that, they do throw a little respect the way of the Japs, but other than that, the show stinks like cum-stains from having sucked too much european car cock. Don't ask me how I'd know. Anyhow, they tend to overplay a lot of characteristics from euro-built cars and go about with their shitty ironic humour at cars built in any other country. "American cars can only go in a straight line", "Asian people have funny eyes", and other really mature jokes like that. This can kind of make sense in europe because...

3. It's a european show

The cars and prices reflect european cars, and there's a lot more talk of diesel. European cars are built in europe for a european market and european conditions. They don't talk about how their pansy weather makes their air conditioning and engines too girly to work properly in a real country. They wouldn't, because the show is for Europe, and considering any other country would require them to acknowledge that other countries exist. The prices for Korean and Japanese cars seem at least a little inflated, as well as those for American cars. The European car prices seem rather cheap, by comparison. Also, while it's interesting talking about diesel, they seem to assume that everyone knows what diesel is all about. They bitch about the prius being shit compared to diesel engines in the same class in their upmarket european roads. They don't quite consider congested countries with lots of waiting and stop-start driving without too many cheap diesel cars. I think these kinds of little things would push cars from being "crap" to "good", from being "not worth it" and hence deserving of their shitty european humour or being "ultra happy awesome" and deserving of driving into a pool, or whatever it is europeans do with their cars.

4. It's a european show

They use the imperial measuring system. It's annoying and reminds me of how fucked up the rest of the world is. Fucking brits and their fucking imperial system. Fuck the queen.

While I was seething quietly about the britishness of the whole show, as well as the guy from "The Who" who used to be quite the rocker in his day bitching about how kids these days just aren't as extreme as "The Who" used to be, they did a segment on the Mitsubishi Evo VIII. That car is so cool it nearly made me cry. Ganbatte Mitsubishi! I still feel sad sometimes that my brother didn't buy the Lancer.