The USS Quad Damage

Sorry, there's no clever pun in the title. I thought I should say that, because in the absence of a pun, one might think that they're just not seeing it, and try harder. No, the point of this post is simple: To profess my hate for that stupid show on Channel 10: Neighbours.

The rest of my family loves Neighbours. To make things worse, I tend to get home around 7 pm (the dreaded time when that horrible, horrible show is on. In fact, it is this reason and this reason alone that I don't believe in god. See, 7 is supposed to be a lucky number, but for me it only spells doom and destruction. Incidentally, 6 is when the news is on and it also spells out doom and destruction, but at least that's entertaining, with the floods and the mass murders and such. I suspect it's all because they were Christians, and then they watched an episode of Neighbours at 7, and then they said "screw this, I'd rather go to Hell!". Satan has an interesting sense of humour, I think. By the way, remember that open bracket I started way up the top of this paragraph? This is where it ends). When I get home, mum puts food on the table. Basically, it's very difficult for me to not watch an episode of Neighbours. Needless to say, I'm quite happy on days when I get home early.

I wish my parents wouldn't watch that stupid show, but the entire rest of my family is a little slow. They also say inappropriate things at inappropriate times. Basically, even if I had an incredible singing voice (which I do) I could never go on Australian Idol because they'd eventually have to put my parents or my brother on screen, and my Dad would say something like "All these western singers are shit. You people need to listen to Indian music.". My dad believes in Homeopathy and insults my uncle who is a surgeon. Anyway, they love Neighbours. I'm trying to convince them that everyone on Neighbours is a prick, but I'll have no evidence unless I actually watch the show. I'm trying to minimise the years of therapy it'll take me, so I'll be trying to cover as few of the characters as possible. The two characters on the show (with an auxilary third) that people raise as a counter-example are Susan (old lady Teacher), and Harold (old good natured guy), with supplementary Toadfish (comic relief).

In the current storyline, Susan is planning to marry someone who has cancer. Women like getting married. From what I can tell, no one likes being married. Susan is getting around this little problem by marrying someone who's going to die, and soon. This has several advantages. She gets a wedding and she gets a new husband. However, she doesn't need to care for this husband for too long, and the relationship never sours. By the time she's bored, he's probably on his death bed. A few tears and she's back in "the game", so "distraught" by her recent loss that she can justify jumping into bed with anyone. On top of all this, even if the Husband doesn't cark it she can kill him, and still has some sort of "mercy kill" thing to fall back on. An amicable solution, but is it ethical? I say, no. Despite the fact that it has a lot of social advantages, in that everyone thinks you're a good person, Susan is simply taking advantage of the fact that her husband has cancer.

Some may argue that Susan did not know that the guy had cancer when she agreed to marry him. I argue that she agreed because she was throwing herself into relationships after the break-up of her marriage. The fact that things turned in her favour is simply an added bonus. In fact, when all is considered, Susan gets a very good run as far as plot goes. It's always rigged to make her look like the good guy, even though she has malicious intent.

She also seemed to enjoy it when she found out that Izzy was cheating on Carl. Why would she do this unless she was bitter and twisted?

Harold recently assaulted someone because he was "distraught" that his son had died. This is completely unacceptable. Despite the heartfelt apology moments later, it's simply not right to assault someone. There is no excuse. I don't raise my hand in anger at others. I'm even slightly ninja. nathan is even more ninja, and he's just as considerate. There's no motion to agression. That's how normal people are. Harold is a prick.

The toadfish dated someone moments after his wife (or wife-to-be, I'm not sure) died. That's just plain old not funny.