The USS Quad Damage

I'm brutally honest. I have neither the tact nor memory for lies. However, even I know about "The Line". I don't know exactly where it is, but if there's a point where the truth would mean a lot of explaining, then going the lying route is so much more peaceful for my head. I tend to shut up in those cases, and hope no one presses me, because I don't exactly have a penchant for lying.

I tend to take the position that I lie to simplify, like how the atom is explained to schoolchildren, but not to mislead, like the government explains things to voters. Sometimes, however, I actually lie, and there's no nice way of getting over that thought. I understand that lies and sugarcoating is how the world works, and I empathise to some extent, but I've never grown used to it, and it's something I don't really want to "get into" at such a late stage at my life. At this point I should probably cue tape of children being really bad at lying, but getting away with it because they're lying to other children. A grown adult trying (and failing) to do something all grown adults can do is something that a grown adult won't be forgiven for.

Cue tape of many many people saying "I was just a kid", "we were young and stupid", etc. I don't think I have that excuse to fall back on. Forgiveness is a lot harder when ice-cream doesn't cut the mustard. I'm sure I could've made that funnier. I kind of envy those that made mistakes when they were young, because mine are still to come, and mine are going to be a lot more hairy, and that's if everything goes well!

Anyway, the point is, I can't reconcile the lie when it's actually a lie. Something to mislead. Sometimes, it's OK because I think to myself "they know I'm lying just to be polite. Everyone lies at this point, so they have to know. I practically did a 'wink wink, nudge nudge'.". Sometimes I cross the line (and everyone hates me), just so I don't feel so bad in myself. Sometimes I live with hating myself. Occasionally I find out that I'm wrong, so if I kept my mouth shut, it pays off.

That doesn't change the fact that I want to air my opinions, even if they're wrong, from time to time, even if people think I'm a terrible person. I had a thought today (amazing).

Love (oh yeah, that word's made an entrance, the rest of this post is guaranteed to be shit) makes people's brains go crazy. They like someone even though they probably shouldn't, and after constant hammer-head hits with that fact, they finally give up. The break up is odd though. Everything reminds her of him. Her music, which she now thinks he made her buy, her hair, her personality, which makes her think she may attract similar guys, everything in her house is somehow inextricably linked to someone she now detests. She decides to change all that. Cut her hair and dye it blonde, throw out her old CD collection, and along with it, chunks of who she was that she doesn't like anymore.

She re-builds her life, piece by piece. She asks a friend what kind of music is good, because all her music is shit, and she's getting bored of it (lie, she hates it, but it's a simplification of the truth, without which she'd have a lot more to explain, so it's kosher). He gives her a couple of new bands to listen to. Among them [Some Band], which in hindsight is a really bad idea considering most of their content is about broken relationships.

Am I sounding like a teenager yet?

She starts to like a boy who likes the same kind of music as she does (only, it's really the music recommended to her by someone else). She gets really into him, all the energy that she felt before is now channeled into that wierd "I like him, does he like me?" thing. Eventually they start going out.

The thing which came to me is: Is he the rebound?

I should be clear about one thing: The friend is me, but nothing else is "actually true" in the strictest sense. Hopefully it's barely enough that she knows and no one else. I think mentioning the band name would be a mistake.