A handy guide to discovering whether your child is walking down the path of evil.
Back in the days of old, it was easy to see if your kids were listening to the devil’s music. Grab their records, play them backwards, and if you hear the voice of satan commanding them to do evil, you know that you have to burn your devil children at the stake. However, in today’s modern society, with CDs and MP3s, it can be tough for a parent to monitor their children’s collection. For one thing, it’s a whole lot larger. More CDs can fit more music into a smaller space than records. MP3s can go smaller still. The devil also hasn’t been sitting still. He’s learnt new tricks, and can embed evil signatures into the frequency spectrum of a song. Further, since the music is “digital”, parents may have to invest thousands in signal processing software to play the music backwards, or analyse it using a spectrograph. Even if you could afford it, stealing into your son / daughter’s room, taking all their CDs and copying them to your computer is a violation of copyright, which makes you a pirate.
God hates pirates.
However, there is a way you can quickly identify your children’s music as the devil’s. It’s simple, and goes no further than reading the CD covers. All you have to do is look for the following signs:
I’ll be adding to the signs above, but I need your help. If you have any “experts” in the field of devil music, please leave comments to help find more things that are sure-fire signs that your children are listening to the devil’s music.
Also, I recently found out that “kids” are the children of goats. The term is used loosely when applying to human children. Goats are the devil’s animals. If you see anyone calling their children “kids”, slay them immediately!!! You’ll be glad you did.