The shameful guilt of procrastination
I've been meaning to write more, but I don't get the time. I had my birthday over the weekend. Me and some friends went to the buddhist temple. We didn't do much, but it was still fun. I really wanted to be in peaceful surroundings more than anything else, and that was well acheived. Then I ate nachos, a mango smoothie, and an ice cream at the ice cream shop in Wollongong. That's way too much for 1 human. I completely felt like throwing up. Then I ate too much the day after (mum made food, and gave me heaps of it, and I still hadn't recovered from the day before). Then today my brother orders Pizza, and gets me a whole one. I'm totally bloated now.
My parents gave me some money for my birthday. I spent it on art supplies and a trackball. Considering how busy I should be, I'm not doing any work. It feels really wierd. I can't get to doing any work because of how much there is to do. It seems insurmountable, but there's an incredible guilt with doing anything else, so I've really just been sitting and walking around all day keeping myself busy doing nothing in particular. I can't do any work, and I can't not do any work. You can see why this is a conundrum. I think I'm also using the excuse that I'm coming off my birthday, so I deserve a couple of days off.
This should maybe lead somewhere, like maybe how I discovered enlightenment through the buddhists in my brief visit and tie in to how not to procrastinate or something. I did learn that it's important to keep your mind on the job. If you stop concentrating for one second, and think about something else, you lose focus. I must empty my mind of all distracting things... but it's incredibly difficult when you have so much to know from the session. I guess I should write down a plan, it'll help to centre me. Hopefully I'll actually do it, too. Problem is I often know the path and don't always walk the path.
I think there's a girl I like.
It always flashes in and out like that too. I'm thinking of something totally different and it flashes in and I see her and I wonder why it's her, and then it totally disappears and I get back to what I was doing. I saw Sam Neill on Enough Rope today. There was a bit he talked about love. I should do that one day, but it's a delicate issue as to whelther you should force it and start to feel things because you're supposed to and being apathetic and letting something really special pass you by. I'm quite perplexed by it.